The Savory Sixteen revealed

The first week of the PZZA Tournament of Slices has come to a close and -- whoa, Nellie! -- it sure was a doozy. Reports have streamed in from around Sarasota of the tournament's effect on business: realtors unable to show homes due to dress shirts stained with grease and sauce; third-degree mouth burns from impatient bites into molten cheese; middle management exchanging martinis for slices during three-hour lunches. Area productivity is drastically down as workers snooze in cubicles clutching bellies distended by bread, cheese and sauce.

But hey, who won? Let's start with The Keys and a marquee matchup between top-ranked Crusty's and eight seed Shaner's, which slid into the tournament on a dream and a prayer. Well, those dreams were shattered in a surprisingly close fight between two Midwest-style pies. Both are thin crust -- Crusty's a drastically undercooked doughier disc from the Windy City, Shaner's a cracker-crisp Ohio pie -- but neither of the slices performed well. In the end, Crusty's hefty cheese-to-crust ratio beat back the competition, which tasted largely of stale matzoh. Doesn't bode well for next round, Crusty's.

City Pizza defeated Napoli in a tight battle for King of the Key (Siesta, that is). Napoli may have been hindered by the profusion of scantily clad spring breakers roaming the Village, resulting in big, floppy slices more reminiscent of a thick tortilla than the N.Y. style pie they claim. It's Starch Madness, gentlemen. Don't get distracted.

At the other end of the Keys division, spectators witnessed the first major upset of the tourney. Mediterraneo made some great pies this season, but the oven didn't bring its A-game to the Dance. That fine Neapolitan-style pizza was surpassed by a dark-horse from the sticks, an unknown with no pedigree. Papa Nick's? Better learn that name, folks, because this straightforward N.Y. style pie was loaded with just enough fantastic cheese to power past the favorite. On St. Armands, 15 South's brick oven beauty had no trouble knocking off the bland slices that stream out of Cosimo's to feed Southgate Mall shoppers.

No surprises Downtown, as favorite Il Panificio spanked the bejesus out of the slightly-better-than-chain Dino's, while number two Patellini's breezed by the bland and doughy pies sold on St. Armands Circle by Taste of Italy. El Greco did manage an upset of Anthony's with a pan-cooked Greek pie redolent with garlic and herbs and loaded with salty cheese; Anthony's oddly crumbly and bready crust couldn't stiffen its defense. Caragiulo's put out by far the best sauce of the week and easily surpassed the Chef Boyardee-pies at Mickey's. Hey, I still love those zucchini fries, baby!

The Northeast is all about N.Y. style, as three Big Apple-inspired slices made their way into the Savory Sixteen. Bradenton's Gio, University Parkway's Saulinas and Webber's Francesco's had no trouble shutting down the competition, from bland Pizza Chef to the popular but exceptionally doughy pan pizza of Honey Crust. Better luck next year, fellas. The only big surprise in this bracket was the ascension of Primo's simple Neapolitan pie after an unremarkable performance by Filippo's. Undercooked and floury beats oddly flavored and crumbly.

Except for Lost Coast Pizza (owned by the son of the City Pizza proprietors and generally the same style, but more dry and cardboardy), the South favorites survived the first round. Rico's typical N.Y. slice had a bit of trouble with the similar offering at Amore's, coming from way down in Venice, but a heavy hand with the bitter oregano flakes stopped Amore from knocking off the favorite. Demetrio's classic Greek pie had no trouble with a lackluster outing by Pizza House, and Pontillo's had an extremely strong showing, exhibiting some of the finest N.Y. style skills seen in the tournament thus far. Now that is a pie to watch. It ... could ... go ... all ... the ... way!

What did the first week teach us? Don't press that N.Y. offense, baby! Ten of the final 16 pay homage to the Big Apple, with the other six split between Greek (two pies), Chicago (one) and the doughier style poorly popularized by the chains. Now that the wheat has been separated from the chaff, we'll see some truly titanic battles in Week Two. Can Papa Nick's come from nowhere to reach the Edible Eight or even the Final Four? Can a Greek make a stand and push into the next round? Which first seed will be the first to droop like day old dough? I'm salivatin' already!