Booze clues

I am constantly asked the question*: What's the proper drink for a particular occasion? It's an age-old dilemma, with dire consequences if you make the wrong chioce. Order a Miller Lite the first time you meet the parents and you'll forever be unworthy of their offspring. Bring tequila to Siesta Key and you'll go home with a world-class sunburn. Pound butterscotch schnapps when you're out with your buddies and you'll never live it down. But don't fret, we've got you covered with this 20-drink guide to best-boozing practices. For full recipes, go to sarasota.creativeloafing.com.

The Event: Poker night

The Drink: Highball

The Rationale: A good sipping drink; you can nurse these all night long while still utilizing whiskey's intimidation factor.

 

The Event: Power lunch at Zoria

The Drink: Martini

The Rationale: Let your adversary know you're in charge. Order it dirty if that's how you're gonna have to play.

 

The Event: Going to see the grandparents

The Drink: Old Fashioned

The Rationale: Toss the retirees some love.

 

The Event: A night at the Mos Eisley Cantina

The Drink: Jedi Mind Trick

The Rationale: Is there any other choice?

 

The Event: An A/C meltdown in July

The Drink: Shot of Inferno

The Rationale: Absolut Peppar, Everclear and Tabasco: You'll scald your mouth, but the rest of your body will feel cool in comparison.

 

The Event: Bucs' preseason game

The Drink: Fuzzy Buccaneer

The Rationale: Let the peach schnapps help you forget last season.

 

The Event: Drinks with Katherine Harris at the Longboat Key Club

The Drink: Fallen Angel

The Rationale: See whether or not she'll get it.

 

The Event: The snowbirds' southern migration

The Drink: Shot of The End of the World

The Rationale: Enough of these vodka/151/Wild Turkey doozies and you'll sleep right through season.

 

The Event: Waiting for a flight at SRQ

The Drink: Bloody Mary

The Rationale: Nothing says "I have nothing to do for the next few hours" like a good Bloody.

 

The Event: Party at New College

The Drink: Dirty Bong Water

The Rationale: New College was once ranked the second most weed-friendly campus in the country -- this four-liquor concoction will help you fit right in.

 

The Event: The break-up conversation

The Drink: Bahi Hut mai tai

The Rationale: It's not you, it's mai.

 

The Event: Camping in Myakka

The Drink: The 151 Florida Bushwacker

The Rationale: Self-explanatory.

 

The Event: Downtown art opening

The Drink: Absinthe

The Rationale: Fix it at home, enjoy the art even more, and make small talk worthwhile for the first time.

 

The Event: Sunday afternoon on Siesta Key

The Drink: Schlitz in a can

The Rationale: The only way to fend off the moochers.

 

The Event: Karaoke night

The Drink: Singapore Sling

The Rationale: Inspiration in a glass.

 

The Event: The 4 p.m. rains

The Drink: Dark and Stormy

The Rationale: There's no other choice.

 

The Event: Sex with the ex

The Drink: Royal Temptation

The Rationale: The best way to get in the mood.

 

The Event: Jury duty at a socially divisive summer murder trial

The Drink: Tequila Mockingbird

The Rationale: Justice is blind drunk.

 

The Event: Yuppie party

The Drink: Thermos of homemade mojito

The Rationale: You're guaranteed not to find a proper one without fixing your own.

 

The Event: Midnight snack

The Drink: White Russian

The Rationale: Nothing says mellow like The Dude's cocktail of choice.

 

*I have never been asked this question.

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